there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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