I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
