That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
