I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
