? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
