then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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