My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
