Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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