I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
