1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
