That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
