I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
