You really coming over, don't trick.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
