You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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