he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
