While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
