I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
