I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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