Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need a beard to bite.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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