she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
