First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
