My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
