Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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