I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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