Just fell off a train. Bad.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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