I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
