On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
