She is in my trunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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