Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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