Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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