I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
