Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
