"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
