i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I will pee on everything he values.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
