I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
