Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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