I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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