Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
