I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
