he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
