I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
