They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
