I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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