he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
