...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize