My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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