We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
