I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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