Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
