it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i dont even know how to be here
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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