I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
