He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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