he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
