C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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