what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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