I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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