they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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