my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
