as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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