something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
