Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
home. puking in laundry basket.
love makes seman taste better
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
