Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You smell like stripper and shame
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
