I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
