i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize