vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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