dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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