you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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