we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
