Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
