we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize