she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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