The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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