Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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