Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
