I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
