when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize