the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize