Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
