Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
