OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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