Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
